-Michael West
“I keep wondering what is the matter with men. When they want an affair with you they will bombard you with calls, messages on WhatsApp and Messenger. They monitor you closely, approach you tenderly, lovingly and promising. But the moment you say ‘okay, let’s see how it goes’ and the relationship is on course, the chasing will stop. The calls will sparingly come. You will then be the one chasing them around, trying to know their whereabouts and be sure they are okay. I’m not saying they will stop seeing you or not giving you attention but the chasing and intermittent calls, visits and hanging out will drastically reduce if not totally ceased. As a man, why do your guys behave like that?”
This was a poser I received early in the week during a discussion on intricacies of relationship. Besides, this issue is a common complaint from women which I want to attend to today. Two things are involved here, the woman enjoys the chasing as it makes her feel good, desired and love. The man, on his part, goes hunting for who he likes and feels fulfilled for achieving his desire. Therefore, while she still wants the love game of ‘chasing’ to continue, as a winner, the man relaxes and prefers to consolidate his gains. He cherishes his new ‘catch’ and appreciates her but the babe wants more than the normal communication. She expects his calls, chats and messages to continue like when she hasn’t consented. It took a long time for me to know that women feel sweet being chased by their admirers and suitors. In 2017, I was engaged by a man to mediate in the troubled relationship of his friend. The man said he was to be his friend’s Best man during his proposed wedding. He said he was tired of settling quarrels and didn’t want the relationship to collapse. Their parents refused to wade into the matter because the couple didn’t want them to be involved in it, yet, things were falling apart. It was funny to discover that the basis of her altercations with her fiancé was that she suspected her man was seeing someone else, otherwise why did he suddenly changed his communication patterns?
“He wasn’t calling me as he used to do. We rarely hangout like before. Nobody can convince me that he is not seeing someone else because I know him so well.” The surprised guy vehemently denied the allegation but the fact that he was no longer doing what his bride-to-be wanted made him a “suspect.” She calmed down when her man took the Holy Book and swore by it that he was not involved with any other woman. The man became troubled. “I can never imagine that because my calls were no longer coming per hour is why my dear was ready to crash our future life. This is unbelievable!” He said. She was murmuring though not strongly contesting what her man has said. She cited two cases of men who were caught cheating on their fiancées. “Their women suspected them and the men later admitted and apologized because they stopped being romantic just the way you also stopped being romantic,” she explained. That was why she believed that consistent pressure would make him admit and confess to unfaithfulness. I asked if his confession or admittance to the allegation was just to have his peace, of what benefit will it be to her? I then cited cases of husbands who keep their homes by offering apologies and admit to some allegations just to make their wives feel good and to maintain peace. It is not every admittance of wrongdoings by men that are true. Of course many could be genuine but there are those who have devised admittance and apologies as the shortest route to peace in their homes. Now that he had sworn to prove his innocence what next? She knelt down and apologized. End of story. Women are not realistic sometimes when dealing with their men. Men have their own mood swings sometimes. Women should observe their men closely before rushing to conclusions. That he’s not calling like when he was chasing you is normal with men. When you throw stones and sticks at a ripe mango on the tree, will you still be throwing stuff at the mango tree for nothing after plucking the fruit? The next thing is to go home, rinse the fruit and savour the meaty fruit with ease. That’s the case with men when they achieve their desire by having the woman of their choice. What next is nurturing the relationship to fruition. Conversely, some women also lack communication skill. The need to keep in touch is key. Men should call and be in touch but it is not a crime if women do the same. Nobody is marking register for calling. Now that you’re in relationship, things should flow mutually and not be one-sided. An average man is busy; he needs to work to take care of himself and even his woman. It is a matter of mutual understanding. Besides, relationship leading to marriage is a serious business. Crying over iced cream and shawarma should stop. Rather than investing her time on planning and working on her dream home, inanities and frivolities are what she’s running after. Who still burns the night candles after the exams are over? Nobody! The chasing period is akin to night reading and once the result is out, should one still be reading all-night again? No! Subsequent reading is either for pleasure or preparation for the next level of life.
